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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in gretchenthespy's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, September 8th, 2007
2:13 pm
 Back from Shul and it was great.  Everyone was super nice.....I think I'll go again!!

Need a job in a bad way!!!!!!!

Current Mood: Chillin'
8:00 am
Mom is home safe and sound.  
Still in pain and has the fluid around her heart but it isn't getting worse.  
I think being home will speed up Mom's healing process.

I'm ok.  Still tired but up and going to Shul.  I'm acutally trying a new Shul in the beaches that I can walk to.  How amazing is that?

Peace out!!

Current Mood: ok
Thursday, September 6th, 2007
10:16 pm
When I got to the hospital this morning Mom was in terrible shape.  Intense chest pain and difficulty breathing.  Fluid around her pericardium (sac around the heart).

But....by the time I left I had her in new pjs and all washed up, fed, massaged and ready for bed.  Mom had a better evening, baruch HaShem...again.

There is a male patient in her room....it is the weirdest thing.  But he is nice.  He gets the kosher meals and they look yummy....lol.  We all sat around and discussed what we are doing for New Years.....it's all very exciting!!!!!!

Well I'm going to eat some Nestle chocolate cereal then hit the hay.....want to get to the hospital again tomorrow.

Night ljers

Current Mood: accomplished
Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
10:01 pm
 Mom's out of surgery and in her room resting.  In a lot of pain and they are having difficulty controlling it.  

Good thing is my Mom is alive and well.....baruch HaShem!!

Current Mood: tired
5:55 am
My Mom is going in for heart surgery this morning so keep her in your thoughts, prayers or even say a tehillim if you're into that.

75% Success

Possibility of stroke and death....hmmmmm.  I love doctors!!

Current Mood: morose
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
12:02 pm
Dropping by the bitch.....

Why are women (lesbians) less ok with transgirls (even post-ops) than transguys and cisgendered males????????

Geez, it's frustrating.....


I know I haven't been here in a while and haven't contributed so no worries if you don't feel like responding....k, bye!

Current Mood: cranky
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
3:58 pm
Mama, we all go to hell
I'm writing this letter and wishing you well
Mama we all go to hell
Oh well mama we all go to hell
It's really quite precious except for the smell
Mama we all go to hell
Mama we're all full of lies
Mama we're meant for the flies
Right now their building a coffin your size
Mama we're all full of lies
Well now mama we all go to hell
Mama we all go to hell

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, February 24th, 2007
9:26 pm
Written by Rachel Barenblat from Radical Torah - Orthodox Anarchist

We’re entering a section of Torah which I used to find repetitive and kind of dull, and which I now look forward to ardently: the details of the construction of the mishkan, the portable Tabernacle in which the tablets of the covenant where carried, which the Israelites built (according to detailed instructions) as a home for the presence of God.

Parashat Terumah begins with God’s instruction to Moses to tell the Israelites to bring gifts to God, as their hearts move them, and to put those gifts to work in the construction of the mishkan. These are freewill offerings: not tithes, each according to how much a given household can afford, but extravagant gifts of the heart. Give, God seems to be saying, what you most long to see placed in My service. Give your creativity and craftsmanship and compassion. Make a worthy home for My presence in the world.

This portion is woven through with an array of beautiful images: polished acacia wood (in my imagination it resembles mesquite or pecan), precious metals, fine fabrics, supple leather. Spices and precious stones. And, of course, gold: enough gold to make a cover for the ark of the tabernacle, hammered fine, with a gold molding, and gold rings to hold the carrying-poles, and gold cherubim facing one another — and also facing the cover itself, looking inward at what this precious gold-covered box contains.

Those cherubim model relationship for us: relationship with each other, and relationship with the precious text on the tablets. God will speak to Moses from above the cover, between the two cherubs. God’s voice will ring forth from the spaces where we face both each other, and our texts, with integrity. Even now, in a present-day this text could hardly have imagined, this vision rings true. We find God’s presence in loving and respectful engagement with the words that shape our lives — and with the other people, faces of God, with whom we share our world.

Much is made of the carrying-poles, which are to remain in the rings of the ark. As Marc-Alain Ouaknin has written,

The Law carried in the Ark is ever-ready for movement. It is not attached to a point in space or time…in our opinion, it is not only an ever-readiness for traveling, but in fact, of continuous, perpetual, incessant movement. The Ark must travel because the Law, the Torah, is in becoming.

Keep the carrying-poles in the rings, in other words, because holiness is always a gerund, a process of becoming. In some sense, the Torah which can be fixed is not the eternal Torah. If we hold it still, try to pin it to a particular meaning or point in time, we lose something ineffable — and critically important. Torah’s portability isn’t an accident; it’s what we carry with us in our wanderings. For Ouaknin (and for me), that’s an essential quality of revelation: if we allow ourselves to be transformed by it, that transformation goes with us, wherever we go.

Build a table, the text tells us — again, acacia wood overlaid with gold — and on it, place the bread of display, to be before God always. What can this mean today, when we’ve had neither mishkan nor bread of display in millennia? When we invest ourselves in the holy work of creating a place among us where God’s presence can dwell — whether through learning to daven deeply and with passion, or working to alleviate need, or teaching others to access what enlightens our lives — we are building that table in our own hearts.

As we read parashat Terumah this year, may we find ourselves able to construct an appropriate altar on which to lay the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts — and may our every action be a terumah, an offering in the service of the One.

Current Mood: okay
Monday, January 1st, 2007
10:50 am
My sister is still in the hospital.  I think she is feeling better but sometimes she seems just as sick as when she went in.  The ups are happening more than the downs now.  It is amazing how tiring visiting a hospital can be.  I usually get there around 12 noon or so and stay till 9pm....by the time I get home I'm wiped.

I start work tomorrow and even have another job offer that I think I am going to explore and see if there might be a match.  That sounds so frumster.com.....a match..lol.

My hair is in between shortish and medium long and I just don't know what to do with it.  It isn't long enough to tie back nicely but isn't short enough to look kept.  Very frustrating.  I'm trying to grow it so I will just have to suffer through this stage.

For those of you who celebrate new years, I hope it was fun and that this year brings much health and happiness.


Current Mood: ok
Friday, December 29th, 2006
12:50 pm
I am feeling significantly better than my last post.  Sadly, my sister has been in the hospital for about a week now with a severe blood infection and additional ailments.  I'm quite worried about her and have been spending my time at the hospital with my Mom.  My sister is requiring a surgery and is on stand by and hopefully once that is complete she will be able to come home and have a complete recovery.  That is my hope for her.

I've been packing and readying myself for my move.  I'm excited but anxious.  I start my new job on Tuesday and even have another job possibility awaiting me on the 2nd of January.....we'll see.

I'm kinda missing my sweet Montreal friend.....for some strange reason he simply makes me smile.

There's more but it will have to wait.

Gut Shabbas to those who observe.....

Current Mood: cheerful
Sunday, December 24th, 2006
12:16 pm
I feel so incredibly depressed and alone right now....my sadness is so big I can hardly breathe.

Why has HaShem chosen aloneness to be my challenge?

Current Mood: sad
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
1:15 pm

A candle for our soldiers this Chanukkah....
11:24 am
I got the job!!

I am so happy.  I'm a little nervous though but excited.

Baruch HaShem, things are finally coming together for me.

The last five months have been such a challenge for me.  I even thought I might not make it, but the still quiet voice never failed me.

Thank you heaven.....

Current Mood: happy
Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
9:04 am
The second interview went well.  It is amazing some of the questions people come up with.  Very clever.  I think I connected well with the regional director, he liked my glasses....lol.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything comes through for me as HaShem sees fit.  This feels right and I look forward to being back in the world of the working.....I've really missed being a funeral director.

So, I was at my Mom's and sister's house last night for Chanukkah and also to help them with their garage.  I have to be honest, I really hate cleaning that garage.  I hate it so much I feel horrible the amount of hositlity that brews in me when I'm standing in the garage, freezing cold surrounded by stuff, I feel that my yetzah hara (evil inclination) is sitting right on my shoulder.  I feel ill natured and unhappy.  I think to myself, how horrible am I that I am this upset with the garage?  It just makes me think sometimes and it also makes me feel badly.

The morning sky is very beautiful....

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
11:00 am
I just dropped my cell phone into my coffee.....completely submerged in a triple triple....


Current Mood: distressed
9:26 am
I have a second interview this afternoon.  I am quite excited.

I had Chanukkah dinner with my Mom and sister last night and it was wonderful.  A really great family time.  I just love it when things feel good like that.  Mom and sis have been sick and I was worried that we weren't going to be able to get together but all worked out, baruch HaShem.  I'll post pics when I figure out how to....lol.

I'm moving to a really great house for February 1st with a couple of my good friends.  I really look forward to home living.  I feel like our new house is going to be full of love and happiness.  I am actually feeling really good about this decision.  I am also hoping to have Shabbas dinners every now and then and try to make it feel like a family.  That feels important to me.  Many Jewish observances when done alone are beautiful and connecting but there really is a feeling of absence of family.  I am also hoping to try and be a little bit more shomer shabbas.

I had a friend over the other day and I found out that when you rub my kitties bum, her tongue goes in and out.....I've never known this.  I actually am quite taken aback by it....lol.

I kinda feel like I was a lion attacking a gazelle this weekend.....I am actually feeling quite embarassed by it.  It is completely not what I am usually like but I was in full predator pray mode....I just don't know what to think of myself sometimes.  I am going to forgive myself though cause I'm human and ultimately it is a compliment to the pray....lol.  I will walk the shame walk for a while and hopefully get over it...

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
9:48 am
Learning something new
Last weeks Parsha....Jacob comes across an angel who is disguised as a man and they fight.  During this fight Jacob's hip is injured....

Of course this is tremendously simplified and doesn't truly represent the entire parsha ,but....I I had no idea that the sinews of the hip are not eaten by Jews who observe the laws of Kashrut because of this injury to Jacob.

I think that is simply fascinating.  I have been thinking about Jacob and HaShem this week.  Jacob is mentioned quite often is daily prayers.  I was imagining Jacob's dream of the the ladder with the angels and what HaShem was truly trying to say to him.  That HaShem is with us even in exile, even when we feel abandoned and lost.  With fighting with the angel, HaShem shows Jacob that he has the strength to confront his brother and anything life has to offer actually. 

I have had a difficult few months recently and I have been searching for HaShem's messages.  I daven two times a day, sometimes three if I can find the time and have been consciously seeking HaShem's contact.  Trying to understand what I need to learn from my experiences.  I never have felt alone and have known that HaShem is near, more now than ever before and I feel that listening...truly listening is key.

Current Mood: content
Monday, December 4th, 2006
5:59 pm

“Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because G-d counts her tears. The woman came out of a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.”
-Hebrew saying from the Talmud

Tears should never be construed as a sign of weakness in either men or women, even for someone as proud as I am, who licks her wounds in private. They are visible echoes of a soul in conflict and torment, or perhaps even unimaginable joy. Always respect them.

Offer your shoulder, ear, and Altoids to someone weeping, even if it is a stranger. You never know when it might be your turn. Sometimes, the compassion of a stranger is exactly what one needs. 

I spent all day yesterday crying at and about everything....I feel like everything is going to be ok, baruch HaShem.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
4:18 pm
There is nothing tsnius about this post *warning*

The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

No explanation necessary.

The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

Also known as the "Power Dump".That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

A class all its own.

This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

This shit has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.

A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.

This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.

Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

12:28 pm
Sometimes we are tested in the strangest ways.....

Current Mood: Poopy
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